What Book-Muggles Need To Understand

In every book store, at some point of time, you will see a bunch of friends combing the shelves hungrily for a book to take home. If they find a book a friend was looking for, you witness ecstatic squeals and hugs and declarations of eternal friendship. But, amidst all this happiness, there will be one person from the group sitting in a corner, foot tapping impatiently, asking repeatedly if they could leave.

Ah, the Book Muggle.

Every fierce reader knows someone like this. There will invariably be a few in your friend circle. You love them to bits, you spend most of your free time with them, you can talk to them about anything…except books. They’re smart, funny, a lot of other amazing things, but they don’t read. And what’s worse, it’s a conscious choice. So while they understand most things you do, there’s a few they can’t figure out, and I hate having to explain that I’m not, in fact, completely crazy because I do things like this.

We book lovers take our reading seriously. It’s not a hobby. It’s not what we do in our free time. Our free time, more often than not, coincides with our I-don’t-have-a-new-book-to-read time. (That doesn’t last long, though. We re-read a lot).

Anyway. Without further ado, I give you The List. * cue Book Readers Unite theme song*

#1 : “I can’t, I’m reading,” is a perfectly reasonable response to “It’s Friday night, let’s PARTAAY!”

#2 : Yes, we need to carry a book with us everywhere we go, even if we know there’s a very slim chance we’ll get to read it. Lack of book = lack of oxygen. We die, true story.

#3 : Yes, we’ve moved on. Yes, we didn’t like books 5,6,7 as much. Yes, we’ve read much better books since, but if you say anything against Harry Potter, or Rowling, especially if you haven’t read the books, but only seen the movies, it gives us an excuse to bite your head off. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

#4 : While on the subject, “No, but I’ve seen the movie,” is a crap response to “Have you read this book?”

#5 : It’s no use telling us to get more sleep. Reading all through the night is exhilarating. That’s six hours of uninterrupted reading. Six! No college/work to get ready for, no meals to eat, no chores to complete. U-n-i-n-t-e-r-r-u-p-t-e-d. Like hell, I’m going to sleep.

#6 : We’re very picky about who we lend books to. Even with other readers, we study them like a hawk until we figure out how they treat their books. Even then, we get jittery if they take too long to return it. So while we support your sudden decision to start reading, please understand that we aren’t comfortable giving books away. I’d rather buy a copy of the book for you.

#7 : It’s not that our sense of humour leaves something to be desired. We just quote lines from our favourite books from time to time, and they’re perfectly suited to the occasion. You just don’t get it.

#8 : Even though we love what you got us for Christmas/our birthday, that shiny little book voucher is always going to produce the most excitement. Please don’t get offended.

#9 : Stop asking if we have to smell each book before we buy it. We do. There aren’t any whys about it. Why do you smell that fresh-from-the-oven blueberry muffin before you dig in? Same reason.

#10 : We’re never going to stop trying to get you to read. I’m sorry. It’s how we’re wired. We can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to.

The Smiley poster was created by Jeff Smith for ALA’s READ campaign. Details on boneville.com

 

Disclaimer : I have no issues with people who don’t read. Other than the fact that they don’t read. I know lots of people who won’t pick up a book unless it’s absolutely necessary for them to pass a class. And I still like them. Not really. Sometimes. Barely. Just kidding. They’re still nice people. 😛